1.20.2017

Overwhelmed...

"Remember why you started..."
This world that I am voluntarily a part of is so scary at times and there's this constant pressure to be bigger than we are for the sake of being influential, for the sake of turning our entire brand into one huge commercial full of products/services we would've never bought otherwise. Blogging has become this over-saturated market of people competing relentlessly for popularity and numbers (not necessarily building authentic connections), and creating business tools out of something that was once so light-hearted and fun. It used to be a time we could expose ourselves freely, laugh, joke, and connect with familiar faces; now, we're just sharing pieces of our lives via social media and becoming extremely braggadocios in the process. 
All of it is really so overwhelming, which is why I've chosen to resurrect the blog formally known as The Sweetheart Chronicles, because I miss having a space outside of my journal, where I felt safe to be transparent, openly share thoughts and pieces of my world, without worrying whether or not someone will be offended by how I've chosen to express myself. It's almost like going to a club packed with people, smoke in the air, heavy bass pouring from the speakers (so loudly to the point where all conversations are drowned by it), only to truly crave those small intimate gatherings with a few close friends; where the only sounds filling the space are a nice feel good play list in the background, laughter, and conversations about life + other misc. things. That's what I miss so much about blogging and unfortunately, it is so damn hard to find. 
The crazy thing is: I still want to be in this world. The downside of that desire is knowing there's a side of me that's starting to believe I'm delusional for actually thinking my authenticity will make a difference. Another side of me thinks there's not really a place for me here anymore, other than the little corner of the web I've somewhat abandoned in attempts to "adapt" to what this world has become. I know that what I'm saying may come off as a very cynical and self-sabotaging way to think that's not necessarily good for business, but that's just how I feel *Kendrick Lamar voice* ...and how ironic is it that I re-named the blog Misfit Mind 89, when it's wildly obvious that a part of me wants to fit in. 
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I know I'm not the easiest person to keep up and even the people who know me personally know that. Lately, I've been so frustrated with my creative process and just trying to piece together life in general that it's been hard maintaining this space, brand, whatever it was. There was so much history that I think I somewhat lost myself in trying to erase/re-create it all, so now I'm really just at a point where I want to get back to the basics and find authenticity again. 

Per usual, I can't expect people to flow every direction I go in. I can't apologize for the changes, but I absolutely and sincerely apologize for all the confusion. If you're a reader, supporter, fan, friend, just know that I appreciate every single one of you and the love over the years from people I've never met is something that has been nothing short of amazing. For those of you who choose to keep rocking with me, locate me. Let's reconnect if we've ever lost touch. I'll still be somewhere continuing to create + blog: 


-signing out-
♡ @ChymereA
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